I can't even begin to express how gorgeous it is outside today. It's the first time I have actually been able to wear a sundress. It's great. Although, the legs are looking a little pale and out of shape, summer is right around the corner and I have so much to look forward to. Kayaking on the lake, hiking, driving with the windows down, seeing old friends, watching the sun set on the water.
Oddly enough, the one thing I'm looking forward to the most is actually spending time with my parents. My two favorite people in the entire world. I don't know if I can truthfully say that I've always looked up to my parents, but I can tell you that I have never loved two people more than I have loved them. As I have grown up, this point has become more clear to me. And, they have become closer to me.
As a parent, you try to protect your children from things that will harm them - violence on tv, the creepy older man down the street, bullies. But, as those children grow up, it's inevitable that they will be exposed to all these things, sometimes without mom or dad to run behind when the going gets tough. Because mom and dad will always be strong, mom and dad will always know what to do, mom and dad don't get hurt. Or do they?
Recently, I have seen both of my parents fall. And it has been the hardest thing I have had to do in a long time. Especially being a state away from them. My mom called me two nights ago to see how I was. I talked about myself for a minute or two, complaining about lack of sleep and a paper I had to write. Then, the question back, "what's new, ma?"
Her voice cracked and my mind completely left my body. With a sick dad and brother, crying is never good. It was her friend. Has been suicidal for years... Missing. My mom has always tried her best to be there for others, and I can't help but think that I try to mimic that. She hardly ever breaks down. Strength is contagious. I held it together long enough to point out the positive possibilities. When the conversation ended, I broke down. Finally seeing the person you have built up in your head throughout your entire life fall and break down... well, it's upsetting. This woman is actually human? She actually breaks down? She doesn't have it together all the time?
And my dad. The man who has provided for me my entire life. And now he has to be taken care of. The pills, the hospital trips, making sure he's eating right. It's on me now. In two weeks, his fate will be determined. Transplant? Or suffer? Either way, the road in front of him is bumpy. I tear up writing this. I have come to terms with the fact that unless he gets this transplant, he won't be here in 5 years. He won't see me fall in love, walk me down the isle, meet his grandkids. I'm not being pessimistic. I'm being realistic.
So, here I am. Years later. With two very real people as parents. Mortal. Fragile. But absolutely irreplaceable.
Oddly enough, the one thing I'm looking forward to the most is actually spending time with my parents. My two favorite people in the entire world. I don't know if I can truthfully say that I've always looked up to my parents, but I can tell you that I have never loved two people more than I have loved them. As I have grown up, this point has become more clear to me. And, they have become closer to me.
As a parent, you try to protect your children from things that will harm them - violence on tv, the creepy older man down the street, bullies. But, as those children grow up, it's inevitable that they will be exposed to all these things, sometimes without mom or dad to run behind when the going gets tough. Because mom and dad will always be strong, mom and dad will always know what to do, mom and dad don't get hurt. Or do they?
Recently, I have seen both of my parents fall. And it has been the hardest thing I have had to do in a long time. Especially being a state away from them. My mom called me two nights ago to see how I was. I talked about myself for a minute or two, complaining about lack of sleep and a paper I had to write. Then, the question back, "what's new, ma?"
Her voice cracked and my mind completely left my body. With a sick dad and brother, crying is never good. It was her friend. Has been suicidal for years... Missing. My mom has always tried her best to be there for others, and I can't help but think that I try to mimic that. She hardly ever breaks down. Strength is contagious. I held it together long enough to point out the positive possibilities. When the conversation ended, I broke down. Finally seeing the person you have built up in your head throughout your entire life fall and break down... well, it's upsetting. This woman is actually human? She actually breaks down? She doesn't have it together all the time?
And my dad. The man who has provided for me my entire life. And now he has to be taken care of. The pills, the hospital trips, making sure he's eating right. It's on me now. In two weeks, his fate will be determined. Transplant? Or suffer? Either way, the road in front of him is bumpy. I tear up writing this. I have come to terms with the fact that unless he gets this transplant, he won't be here in 5 years. He won't see me fall in love, walk me down the isle, meet his grandkids. I'm not being pessimistic. I'm being realistic.
So, here I am. Years later. With two very real people as parents. Mortal. Fragile. But absolutely irreplaceable.
No comments:
Post a Comment