You broke me apart before.
I don't think some people understand the impact that they have on others. How one thing said, one action, can leave hurt that lasts for far longer within someone else. That's why I'm making myself a promise. Not a promise like I said I would write in here every single day... because that has been broken. A promise to know that I deserve the very best for myself. A promise to give him a chance. Someone new. Someone with so much to offer me. Someone who treats me like he's known me for years. Someone who keeps his promises, tells me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear, and knows what is best for me.
I'm promising myself that I will let go. I can't let myself get hurt by you time and time again. Priority. Not an option. Not a fallback. I have spent far too long waiting on someone and something that I truly knew deep down would not come back to me, despite my wants or his promises. This blog has been written to benefit two people. Me and you. A few others know it's around, but do they read it? Do they actually know?
I'm tired of this. Of feeling like second or third place sometimes then first the next day. Consider this a goodbye. At least for now. Until I can be happy again, forget about the could-bes, the what-ifs. It's time for me. And this blog has been a progression of me turning this stupid leaf over. It's been about learning to put myself first. It's been about protection. I don't feel so vulnerable if I can find strength in my words.
I'm done with all the things I have seen all along. Was I really as stupid as I seemed? Nope. I have known. I have met too many people like this. I have figured it out. That's one thing I've got. I've got instinct and I've got a hell of a guard... I may look past it. I may not say anything. But I know. I have known all along. Question is - have you known? Have you been beat at your own little game? Found your match? How truthful was I? A question that won't be answered. Because trust is a substitute for the answers to the questions that we're too afraid to ask, too stupid to ask.
Back home it is. Back to an old life. But this is the last time. Last four months. Maybe I'll write here again soon. Maybe I won't. It's up in the air. But, I know that it's time for change. And, that's just what I'm looking for.
I don't think some people understand the impact that they have on others. How one thing said, one action, can leave hurt that lasts for far longer within someone else. That's why I'm making myself a promise. Not a promise like I said I would write in here every single day... because that has been broken. A promise to know that I deserve the very best for myself. A promise to give him a chance. Someone new. Someone with so much to offer me. Someone who treats me like he's known me for years. Someone who keeps his promises, tells me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear, and knows what is best for me.
I'm promising myself that I will let go. I can't let myself get hurt by you time and time again. Priority. Not an option. Not a fallback. I have spent far too long waiting on someone and something that I truly knew deep down would not come back to me, despite my wants or his promises. This blog has been written to benefit two people. Me and you. A few others know it's around, but do they read it? Do they actually know?
I'm tired of this. Of feeling like second or third place sometimes then first the next day. Consider this a goodbye. At least for now. Until I can be happy again, forget about the could-bes, the what-ifs. It's time for me. And this blog has been a progression of me turning this stupid leaf over. It's been about learning to put myself first. It's been about protection. I don't feel so vulnerable if I can find strength in my words.
I'm done with all the things I have seen all along. Was I really as stupid as I seemed? Nope. I have known. I have met too many people like this. I have figured it out. That's one thing I've got. I've got instinct and I've got a hell of a guard... I may look past it. I may not say anything. But I know. I have known all along. Question is - have you known? Have you been beat at your own little game? Found your match? How truthful was I? A question that won't be answered. Because trust is a substitute for the answers to the questions that we're too afraid to ask, too stupid to ask.
Back home it is. Back to an old life. But this is the last time. Last four months. Maybe I'll write here again soon. Maybe I won't. It's up in the air. But, I know that it's time for change. And, that's just what I'm looking for.
Hey, you... down by the water...
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