I stumbled upon something I had written on facebook about a year ago. It was a stupid survey but I filled it out anyway. So, since I have been lacking creativity, this is what I've resorted to.
25 Things.
1. Lately, I have clung onto the Red Sox for dear life. I have watched every game and I have become obsessed with the sport. It's a substitute for not having a boyfriend anymore who plays baseball every night of the week in the spring and summer. I miss watching those games and I've simply replaced them with the Sox. Plus, who doesn't love watching a baseball game on a spring night? Exactly my point.
2. I have a bucket list made but I have found it nearly impossible to get past 80 items. I have only included realistic goals, but I have let it sit for over two months, yet I have not found anything else I can add to it. Secretly, this actually depresses me.
3. Before the stock market crashed, I was set to inherit a good good chunk of money. In less than two years, my inheritance halved. Now, the trust fund is small, but includes a gristmill up in eastbumfuck Maine and a museum my hometown...which I never plan on living in again. If we used the dowry system in the US, my future husband would be fucked.
4. I am one of the most competitive people that has ever lived. Or at least everyone tells me that. It's one of the things I can't stand about myself. But, it hasn't changed and it won't change. Guess I have to embrace it.
5. I fall for someone way too quickly and I get hurt no matter the situation. But I also cannot allow myself to fully trust anyone due to the way I was treated in the past. So, no matter the relationship or person, I end up hurting myself. Go me.
6. I have an obsession with cleaning. I become stressed out when things are messy or dirty. I take out my anger and my anxiety on cleaning. My roommates love me for this.
7. I wish the economy was good enough so I could grow up and do something I love, like take pictures. But, at this point, and probably for years to come, that's unrealistic if I want to support a family.
8. I love being in relationships. I'm a great girlfriend. Not many girls would send a text in the middle of the day saying "Sex, UFC, and Pizza tonight? I'll buy!" Case. In. Point.
9. I don't care enough about myself. And it fucks me over time and time again.
10. In less than one month, I will be throwing my body out of an airplane and I cannot wait. And, a week or two after that, I'm getting myself permanently branded with ink again. My parents must hate me.
11. My absolute fantasy is to meet a strong, tall, dark, and handsome Irish man (accent included) at a dive bar in Ireland and fall in love with him. I would be willing to settle for a British man too. No French ones though, they seem like pussies.
12. I wish Jon & Kate had stayed together. I miss that show.
13. Yoga pants have become appropriate for any occasion since I started college. I never used to go out in sweatpants but now I live in them.
14. My twin cousins are two of my best friends. We have always been close but we have gotten so much closer within the last year that I consider them not only family but best friends as well. I wish they weren't graduating this year so I could experience more with them before they go out into the real world and have to work. They relate to me on too many levels.
15. I love spiked cider. I could drink it like juice. I am my father's daughter and that could be a problem.
16. Country music brings me back home no matter where I am. I listen to it when I need to remember where I came from and who I am. And when I miss my friends.
17. I'm sarcastic, I'm witty, and I'm a bitch. But it makes for a funny combination and people seem to love it. Unless they are the brunt of my jokes. In which case, I'm sorry!
18. I would adopt every single kitten and puppy from every single SPCA in the world if I could. But, realistically, I know I could really only handle two tops. And this upsets me. But it will prevent me from being a crazy cat/dog lady when I'm older.
19. I think Chelsea Handler is the funniest woman on the planet. I respect her for so many different reasons and she is my role model for so many more. Probably not the best person to look up to, but fuck it. Plus, she loves little people and vodka. How can she not be the best person in the world?
20. I'm deathly afraid of spiders. And birds. I think the world would be a better place without these two things, but I have learned in my many biology classes that, in fact, the world would fall apart without them. Damn.
21. I curse all the time. I have the mouth of a sailor. Swearing was always fine with my parents growing up. Well, at least my mom. And it's still ok. She even includes them in her conversations. Guess she didn't parent by the books, but my brother and I didn't turn out too badly.
22. I'm white. I can't dance. I can't rap. I can't wear velour. Call me racist all you want, but I'm just stating what everyone is thinking but too scared to say themselves. It usually goes that way.
23. I'm not afraid of dying, but I'm afraid of not living. I'm afraid that when I'm laying there, about to die, I will look back and regret not doing something. Hence the bucket list. But that will only work if I accomplish everything on it.
24. I hate being tired. It's happened too much lately.
And last but not least...
25. I'm way too hard on myself. I hold myself to unrealistic standards. And, when I fail at something, or someone picks someone else instead of me, it only makes my confidence plumit. But I can't blame others for my low sense of self. It's all me. And that's tough to admit.
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